Leaving on a Jet Plane
by sweet intoxicationnn
Summary: Based on the song "Leaving on a Jet Plane" by John Denver. When Logan has to fly to New York City for the start of a new tour for Big Time Rush, the hardest part is saying goodbye to Camille. Logan/Camille


**Disclaimer:** I own nothing. I wish I did, but sadly I do not.

_All my bags are packed I'm ready to go__  
__I'm standin' here outside your door__  
__I hate to wake you up to say goodbye__  
__But the dawn is breakin' it's early morn__  
__The taxi's waitin' he's blowin' his horn__  
__Already I'm so lonesome I could die_

_So kiss me and smile for me__  
__Tell me that you'll wait for me__  
__Hold me like you'll never let me go__  
__Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane__  
__Don't know when I'll be back again__  
__Oh babe, I hate to go_

_Every place I go, I'll think of you__  
__Every song I sing, I'll sing for you_

"**Leaving on a Jetplane" by John Denver**

**Logan's POV**

She looks so beautiful in the early morning sunlight. Her dark, messy curls are splayed across the pillows while a few stray locks cascade down her creamy shoulders. The sun's rays hit her face and she looks radiant. I was so tempted to drop my suitcase and rejoin her in bed. But I knew I couldn't. I had a job. A career. Kendall, Carlos, and especially James needed me now more than ever. I couldn't let them down.

I remember the look on her face when I told her about the tour. Griffin bombarded us at a recording session and told us the news. We had two weeks to pack and then we were off to perform all over America. Starting date: March 22, 2010, ending date: inconclusive. Griffin explained that ticket sales and merchandise sales would be the deciding factor on whether Big Time Rush would continue traveling and performing. The more tickets and merch sold, the longer we'd be on tour. The longer we were on tour, the bigger fan base we'd have. The bigger fan base we'd have the more concerts we'd perform. I realized quickly it would be a vicious, seemingly never ending cycle.

I'll never forget the tears that fell from her beautiful chocolate orbs. I felt my heart constrict as I saw each tear trail its path down her porcelain face. I placed my hands on her cheeks and let my thumbs brush away the salty liquid pouring from her eyes. I wanted so badly to make her pain stop. I remember whispering softly into her ear telling her, "Not to cry, because I'll be back soon, in no time at all." How I wish that was true.

I have a sickening feeling this tour is going to last longer than any of us expect.

Kelly promises that we won't be gone for more than two to three months, but I highly doubt that. No. We'd be gone for much longer. Whatever Griffin could get out of us he would. He doesn't care about our lives, our families, or our loved ones. All he cares about is record sales and money.

I sense her movement from the bed and glance over. She gracefully arches her back and then lies down once more, falling into a peaceful stupor. She's back to sleep again in seconds.

I'll miss her so incredibly much. I hate the thought of not knowing when I'll see her again. When I'll be able to hold her soft hand in mine and kiss her rosy lips. It tears at a part of me I never knew could feel pain. My chest aches whenever I think of being apart from her for an unknown amount of time. Truth be told the thought of being separated from her at all causes my chest to clench up and my breathing to become labored. She has become such a permanent being in my life. I can't imagine going a single day without seeing her perfect smile or hearing her delicate laugh. Of course I would call her daily, but nothing can compare to hearing her whimsical, chiming giggle in my ears as she sits upon my lap. My hands resting on her sides as she runs her hands through my hair.

She looks so tranquil as she sleeps. Her passionate flare for drama is at ease, and although I love her fiery, over the top personality, seeing this calm, vulnerable side of her gives me a sort of elation. I feel so honored that she trusts me enough to expose herself like this and that she chose me to be the man in her life. The only man who loves her the way I do.

I know every crevasse of her delicate body. Every curve and slope I have memorized in my mind. My hands have explored her in a way no one else has ever done.

The thought of not touching her for months almost breaks me down again. I desperately want to stay with her, but my obligations to my friends and the fans of Big Time Rush cause me to leave.

I study her sleeping form and debate whether or not I should wake her. I know one look into her sparkling eyes could be my undoing. The sweet smell of her strawberry shampoo could keep me glued to the very spot I stand. I want to say goodbye, but I know it would be best for me just to leave. I've already convinced myself I need to get on that plane. Hearing her voice bid me farewell would be too much.

I look over my shoulder once more and see her body is unchanged from its previous position. I stare for a few seconds, drinking in her features, copying them again to memory, and then I turn to go. I round the corner of our quaint, but stylish apartment and enter the kitchen. I set my luggage down on the linoleum floor and sit on one of the bar stools. I grab the sides of my head in my hands and lean over towards my knees. My body is filled with an overwhelming feeling of anguish. A shiver starting from the top of my spine makes its way down the length of my back and courses through the rest of my body in one fluid motion. My vision becomes blurry for a few seconds before tears free fall down my face and a silent sob makes its way past my lips. I know I'm being ridiculous, but I can't help it. I know in my heart that Camille is The One, and the knowledge that I won't be with her for months kills me.

Quickly I realize how dramatic I am being. I haven't even left the apartment yet and already my resolve is crumbling. I take the palms of my hands and swiftly drag them across my closed lids to wipe away the tears. I inhale a few deep, cleansing breaths and after about a minute I find the strength to stand up. As I bend forward to pick up my suitcase I feel a small hand at the center of my back. I jump slightly and turn around. I'm face to face with Camille.

Of course it was Camille, who else would it be?

She gazes up at my face while I cast my eyes down toward the floor. I notice her hand perched on my forearm and quickly feel her fingers circle around it giving it a soft squeeze. She's silently begging me to look at her but I can't. I know if I meet her stare I'll break down. Tears will start running again and I won't be able to leave.

After a few moments of silence Camille takes a breath and says my name. It sounds so sweet and pure as it rolls off her lips. Her voice echoes in my ears and my resistance crumbles. I lift my head up and our eyes lock. I see an abounding array of emotions flitter thorough her eyes. Sorrow. Anger. Confusion. Curiosity. Heartache. All because of me.

Camille's eyes soften and she repeats my name, "Logan."

I simply look at her. Words fails me now.

Camille starts again, "Did you really think you could leave without saying goodbye?"

It's such an easy question to respond to. The answer would obviously be yes. I already attempted it. But again I have no words for her.

She looks at me with wide, tear brimmed eyes and asks, "Why?"

I feel a pang in my chest and I look away from her. I can't bear to see her cry, let alone have me be the reason she's crying in the first place. I take a deep breath and glance her out of the corner of my eye. She has a myriad of tears cascading down her face and I have this need to reach out and wipe them away for her. I turn back around and cup her face with my hands. She leans her head to the left and cradles my hand to her face with one of her own. I gently pull her face towards me and lean in. I capture her lips with my own and I can taste the saltiness from her tears. I move my lips over hers, softly sucking her bottom lip between both of mine. As I pull away I hear a soft sigh emit from her throat and my knees go weak. How I will long for those sounds when I'm on the road. How I will desperately crave her lips meshed perfectly against my own each day I'm not home. I open my eyes and peer into hers once more. I gather my thoughts and try to explain to this beautiful girl why I almost left her alone for months without so much as a 'goodbye' from me.

"I don't know Camille. It's complicated ," I say and internally cringe at how pathetic it sounded.

She looks at me not even the slightest bit convinced.

"Logan, be honest with me. Why did you try to leave without saying anything? Are you leaving me for good?"

Her eyes fill with tears again and I feel her body start to slightly tremble beneath my hands. A look of sheer panic spreads to her eyes and her shoulders visibly shake as she tries to choke back a sob.

"Of course not Camille, I love you," I tell her pulling her close to me. I need her to know how much I love her. I need her to know she is the center of my life. She's the center of my being. She is my everything.

"It's just that, leaving you right now is the hardest thing I've had to do in my entire life. Even coming out here to L.A. to record a demo with Kendall, Carlos and James wasn't too difficult of a decision to make. I was going to get out of Minnesota and help one of my best friends dreams come true. It was a no brainer." I smiled a small smile in hopes to calm her down. Her tears stopped flowing and after a few moments I picked up where I left off.

"You have had such a tremendous impact on my life since I've moved to L.A. You drew me in with your quirky, albeit sometimes erratic, personality and now I can't even begin to fathom spending a few days without seeing you, let alone a few months! I desperately want to stay with you, and be with you everyday but I know I can't. I can't do it to the rest of the guys, especially James. This has been his dream for as long as I can remember, ever since we were little. I can't just bail on him, he's one of my best friends. And the fans, I can't do this to them. They pay a lot of money to come see Big Time Rush. If I don't show up there's no tour, no concert, and then there's a bunch of disappointed kids who just wanted to have a good night and enjoy some music. These are the reasons I have to go. I understand and accept them. But I knew this morning if you turned over to me and asked me not to leave you and stay right here with you, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I wouldn't be here right now explaining everything that just happened to you. We'd be curled up in our bed, wrapped in each other's arms. We'd spend every day together. You have that power over me Camille. Just a look in your eyes can break all my walls down and sway the outcome of the biggest decision of my life."

Camille stood there, contemplating everything I just told her. She had a hazed look on her face and her eyes were slightly glassy. We remained in the same positions, hardly moving, for what seemed like hours. Then finally she look a sharp intake of breath and crashed her body into mine. Her arms locked around my waist and she buried her head deep into my chest. I let my one hand gently run through her hair to try and soothe her while the other wrapped around her shoulders. I clutched her to me and listened to her cry.

"Logan, oh Logan," she choked over and over again. I didn't know what else to do so I just continued my ministrations throughout her hair in a seemingly futile effort to relax her. Camille eventually caught her breath and wiped her eyes. She glanced up at me and I saw immediately how red rimmed her eyes were. Once again I felt a pang in my chest. I've made her cry so much today.

Camille loosened her grip on my waist and I watched as she slid her hands up my chest and down my arms to intertwine her hands with my own. She let our laced fingers fall haphazardly at our sides and then looked up to stare into my eyes. I felt a rush travel up my skin as she smiled a genuine, wholesome smile at me for the first time that day. I was about to ask her if she was feeling better but she beat me to it.

"I'm okay Logan. If I was being selfish and greedy I'd ask you to stay with me, but I can't ask that of you. I know you love Big Time Rush as much as the other guys do, and asking you to sacrifice that for me would be wrong. You love singing, you love your friends, and you loves your fans. I can't tell you to disappoint so many people just for me. Obviously I'm going to miss you and a part of me does wish you would stay, but I could never let you actually do it. This is your dream too. You have to live it. And no matter how long your gone, whether it be two months, four months, or even six months, I need you to know that I'm going to be right here waiting for you when you come back. I'm in love with you Logan Mitchell. There's no one else but you," Camille finished a fresh set of tears in her eyes. But these tears were different. They weren't filled with pain, betrayal, or anguish, they were filled with love.

I felt my face stretch into a ghost of a smile. I looked down at Camille and realized my vision was starting to blur again. I blinked rapidly a few times before I could focus on Camille clearly. I brushed a few stray hairs from her face and placed a soft kiss on her forehead.

"I love you too Camille, more than words can possibly describe."

She smiled up at me and ever so slowly our faces drew nearer to each other. I felt her hand sliding up the back of my neck to rest at the nape of my hairline. My hands wrapped around her slender waist and I pulled her towards me. Our bodies molded together, like a puzzle piece, and our lips met in a passionate collision. Her hands were in my hair and mine were rubbing up and down the sides of her hips. My tongue lightly traced her bottom lip and her breathy moan granted me the access into her mouth I desired. Our tongues battled for dominance, but eventually I had control. I slowly moved kisses across her jaw line and down her neck. I continued placing chaste kisses lower and lower until I got to her prominent collarbone. It was there that I licked a small line across the exposed skin and Camille released such a throaty, lust induced moan that my body actually shivered from it.

We pulled away from one another and both revealed the satisfied smirks on our faces. Camille leaned up and wrapped her arms around my neck where as I rested my hands on her slender hips. We held onto each other and didn't speak a word at all. The only sound that could be heard was the intake of our breaths and the ticking from the clock perched upon the counter. I closed my eyes and savored the moment. The closeness of Camille's body, the smell of her hair, the feeling of her pale, milky skin against my hands.

I would have been thoroughly delighted to hold Camille just like this for days, but reluctantly I opened my eyes and glanced around. My eyes caught the time on the clock. 10:42 AM. I had a 12:15 PM departure time, but by the time I arrived at LAX and had all of my baggage checked out I could be late. I felt my heart immediately sink in my chest. Agreeing with Camille that I should get on the plane headed for New York City and actually leaving her to do it were two completely different things. My body stiffened and I knew she felt it. She pulled back from me and glanced in the direction I was transfixed on. She eyed the clock and looked at me.

"What time is your flight?" she asked in a quiet voice hardly above a whisper.

My gaze didn't shift from the clock. I watched the second hand continue to tick for ten more second before I replied, "12:15 PM."

I looked over at Camille and saw she was biting her bottom lip. She was obviously trying not to breakdown again. My stomach started doing flips and I knew my time with her was almost up.

"I have to go soon," I said in a small voice. My throat suddenly felt dry and scratchy.

Camille nodded her head a few times before uttering, "I'll miss you so much Logan."

My heart started to pound in my chest. I couldn't believe this was actually it. I was going to say goodbye to Camille for who knows how long. I was going to be without her for months. I heard her sniffle and looked into her eyes. I studied them intently. I noticed how they were big and round and were the color of milk chocolate. Oddly enough, they had large flecks of gold mixed in with them as well, creating a beautiful cyclone of light and dark. I took in how much emotion they had. How much love they expressed. I felt my face turn into a small but noticeable frown. I inched closer to Camille's beautiful face and whispered, "I'll miss you too Camille. I'll call you every single day. I promise"

She just gazed at me, taking in every angle of my face before kissing my cheek and replying, "Good, you better," with a small smirk attached to her lips. As quickly as it appeared though it vanished. I glanced at the clock and saw it was 10:51 AM. I turned my gaze back to Camille and she could read in my eyes that this was it. I had to leave or I would be late.

I felt her take her hands and place them on the sides of my face. She willed me to look her dead in the eyes and without saying a word kissed me softly, but passionately on my lips. My mouth tingled at the sensation. Too soon then desired, she pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes again. She held my gaze for a few moments before pressing her lips once more to my cheek and then quickly side stepping by me to walk to the bedroom. I watched her make her way to the door. As her fingers touched the door knob she looked up at me for a final moment with a blank expression adorning her face and closed the door quietly behind her.

I stared at the door. Waiting for something, waiting for nothing, but I decided I was pushing my luck and that it really was time for me to go. I slowly turned around and picked up my luggage. I approached the front door and did a final sweep of Camille's and my apartment. My eyes roamed the room and came to a stop at the door to the bedroom. I stared at it for a few moments before stepping outside. Once outside, I turned to close and lock the door. With the last tears I would allow myself to cry that day brimming my eyes, I silently muttered, "I love you Camille," and left.


End file.
